Thursday, December 22, 2011

December Update

Obviously, I was much better about maintaining my blog when I first started it.  I have written fewer and fewer posts each month which proves that I (like most people) lose focus over time.  However, I am taking time tonight to inform you all that my life has changed somewhat over the past month.

At the beginning of the month I was fired from my full-time position for being too friendly.  Instead of using my training period to train me to re-route clients' conversations back to the matter at hand, my employer decided to "separate our employment relationship" which means my parents are currently helping me pay my rent and utility bills.  This is definitely not what I had hoped for nor is it a situation that can continue.  I am fortunate to have parents who are willing to assist me financially, but I'm sure they would prefer that it wasn't necessary.  I am also very lucky that my part-time employer Biaggi's Ristorante Italiano was able to offer me more shifts so that I can earn more money.  I have done a lot of online job searching, but it's slim-pickin's in December.  So, if anyone knows of full-time positions in the Southwest Indiana region (preferrably those that are intriniscally rewarding), please email me at

In other news:
- I have fallen in love with a wonderful man who I am thrilled to have in my life.  He is a wonderful blessing and appreciates me the way I am, including all my goofiness. (I apologize for the girly moment, but it's a big update.)
- My puppies, Molly and Ellie, as cute and cuddly as they are, still refuse to be house trained.  I have had the carpets professionally cleaned twice because they pee on the floor multiple times each week.
- Christmas is this weekend.  You know this, but it's still important enough for me to mention it.  At this point in time, I plan to post about it separately sometime next week.
Molly and Ellie cuddling while I wrote this blog post.

Friday, November 25, 2011

Thanksgiving 2011

Thanksgiving...well, I survived it. I'm rather content with this as I wasn't so sure it would happen. And, then it almost didn't happen. My family is crazy (They know this, so I'm not hurting any feelings.) and can be incredibly stressful to be around all at once. Add to that the many ways that my family has changed in the past months (marriages, divorces, babies, and new significant others) and it was bound to be an "interesting" evening. My expectations were, of course, spot on. Awkwardness and tears were most definitely present at both Thanksgiving dinners; however, this is not what almost killed me.
While driving to my Mamaw's house in the rain, the front brakes of my car decided to lock up in the middle of a left turn. As my car began to drift and then spin out of control, my engine died. Originally, I was headed toward the trees to the righthand side of the road, but as my back end spun around my front end I began to slide toward oncoming traffic without the ability to steer. I unexplainably came to a stop facing the opposite direction I had intended, crooked across the two lanes of the road that no one else was using. My car was undamaged. I was uninjured. No one else had been inconvenienced by my spin out. It was terrifying, but perfectly fortunate. As always, the food was delicious once I finally made it to my Mamaw's house. Seeing my younger siblings was pretty awesome too!

Monday, November 14, 2011

Oh, Happy Day of Birth

I just realized that I haven't yet posted anything in November.  Over time, I am becoming increasingly slack in my responsibilities as a blogger and I apologize to you and to myself for that.
I last posted about my first meeting with my Big Brothers Big Sisters "Little".  Since that night, I have picked her up three more times to hang out.  We went to Boo at the Zoo where we collected candy, walked through part of a zombie-filled haunted house (and then turned and went back in the direction we came), and pet ginormous snakes (I did.  She didn't.).  We tried a new restaurant and found it to be delicious.  And, we've been to an arcade.  I think I might have to start being less cool so we can do less expensive activities...maybe bake cookies or make a craft together.  We'll see.
Also, I have become a fan of hockey!  I've attended two Evansville Icemen games and intend to continue to spectate whenever possible.  After my first game, I got to attempt to make a goal which I, of course, failed to do due to my lack of athletic ability.  However, a couple of my friends were more successful.  Last night, I took my dad to the game as my birthday present to him and it was great - the beer cups were filled from the bottom using a magnetic mechanism which is really cool and during the second period a double fight broke out.  Once the game ended, Dad and I quickly made our way onto the ice and found the bloodstain!
I again watched RunR play a great acoustic set this weekend.  It was spectacular, and I was reunited with members of DeafMegan who I haven't seen in at least four years.  I was also hit on by a middle-aged 'gentleman' who had enjoyed several adult beverages prior to my arrival at the estabishment.  Although this awkward encounter was rather unwanted at the time, it has made for a great story and was incredibly entertaining to those who witnessed it.
Today is my birthday and it has been better than expected.  I was awake almost before the sun and went to work.  Luckily, the day flew by and I was able to run a couple errands (playing with puppies at PetSmart and buying 'Lord of the Rings: Two Towers' from the $5 bin at WalMart) and be home just before the sun went to bed again.  I am now relaxing with my feet up while the puppies frolic with their toys and fret over the storm warnings.

If you enjoy my randomness, you might also like my dear friend's blog.

Thanks for checking in!

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Match Meeting

Last night I met my Little match from the Big Brothers Big Sisters program!  She was a bit shy at first - a lot of shrugging, quietness, and "I don't know" - but then she came out of her shell.  I'm hoping that shyness leading to slight pushiness will result in friendliness and fun outings with open communication, mutual respect, and good role-modeling.  For now, I'm content with the quick trip into a Chinese restaurant where we ordered an incredible amount of food, allowing us to take home enough leftovers to feed a small army.  Next week might be an arcade day...or a Halloween party...or pretty much anything not McDonalds or outside in the cold.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Emotional Overload

I have waited many weeks to write this because 1) I promised I wouldn't immediately post it online for the whole world to read and 2) I wasn't ready to share.  However, I feel the need to let go of some of what I am feeling.

Several weekends ago, my mom made plans with me under the false pretense that she missed me and wanted to spend time together.  Shortly after arriving at my apartment (one preview into the DVD we had chosen) she told me that she had filed for divorce from my dad that morning and had already made plans to remarry.  I feel so many emotions that I can't figure out how to react or ultimately feel.  I am sad, relieved, hurt, confused, angry, and so many other emotions that I can't figure them all out.

"Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery." -  Mark 10:11-12

"If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him." - 1 Corinthians 7:12-13

Reading scripture only makes me feel more confused about how to feel because it gives me more reason to be upset with my mom instead of comforting me.  Loving friends and family members get me through each day (even when they don't know it).  To summarize: Divorce sucks and life is hard.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Big Changes

Yesterday was a pretty great day all-in-all. I slept in until 8am which is pretty late for me, considering I'm usually up between 5:30-7am. The morning and afternoon were spent folding laundry and watching numerous hours of 'Buffy: The Vampire Slayer' - the latter part of that being exponentially better than the previous. Just before leaving to hostess at Biaggi's, I received a phone call from a staff member of Big Brothers Big Sisters...I finally have a Little Sister match, an 8-year-old who has been waiting two years for a Big Sister! Next Wednesday I'll get to meet her and her family and start making plans to hang out with her regularly. Now we all just need to cross our fingers that she has fun with me and I manage to in some way make a positive difference in her life.

In other news, I left my job at the sign shop (they threw me an awesome going away party with pizza, cupcakes, and chocolate chip cookie bars) and started as a full time Sales Associate at a local jewelry store. Having absolutely no knowledge of jewelry and very limited experience in sales, its a slow learning process. But, there is learning going on. My Team Members are all incredibly pleasant, encouraging, and patient. Although I'm working more hours, I feel productive and the time passes quickly. My commute is ten times the 2.5 minutes that it was to Signs By Design, but that means more time to sing in the car.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Recognizing Blessings

Through a very steady, cold, downpour I walked in the Race for the Cure this morning with my mom, younger sister, and her friend while another friend competed in the timed race. Our walk was long and drenching while his run was fast and accomplishing, earning him 26th place overall and 3rd place in our age range. Rather surprisingly, my team also succeeding in raising nearly $150 for Susan G. Komen for the Cure.

However, the more important event of the day was seeing both of my sisters. I wish my brother had been there too! There are days when I take my siblings for granted and don't appreciate them quite as much as I should. Today was not one of those days. I had not seen my older sister for at least three months, and so much has happened over the course of those three months that it seems like a lifetime. I talk to her and to our younger brother and sister often on the phone or through text messaging, but seeing them in person warms my heart and encourages me in ways I cannot describe. It's amazing how we support and take care of each other in ways that seem both completely natural and also extraordinary. My siblings are blessings in my life for which I thank God.

Monday, September 12, 2011

The View Came. The Understanding Did Not.

As you may have noticed in the past, I occasionally write comments on others' blog posts that are worthy of becoming their own blog posts.  So, as I have done before, I have posted my comment below; however, it will make more sense if you read Will Montgomery's blog post 'Never Forget' before reading my response.

The view came; the understanding did not.” Very poetic. Also very true.
Where I was: I was taking the I-STEP+ test in my high school. Because of the testing, no one told us what was happening, and I knew nothing…until after lunch when I got to my 5th period class and didn’t leave it for the rest of the day. We sat nearly silently as we watched over and over again the same footage from different angles and with different “important” people commenting. But, like you, I didn’t understand.
Who I was: I was an awkward 13-year-old little girl, new to high school and completely out of place. I’d never heard of these buildings and didn’t realize the magnitude of what I was seeing. It didn’t quite sink in that “we” had been attacked. I lived in the middle of nowhere far from New York, and to me “they” had been attacked, “they” had died, and “they” had suffered. It wasn’t until I saw my parents’ and grandparents’ reactions that I realized it affected “us” too.
Interesting story from that day: My little sister was three weeks short of her third birthday, and when I came home from school she was sitting on the floor just inside the door stacking wooden blocks. She built two tall, thin towers that were connected at the base and then, holding a rectangular block in her hand, knocked them down. This was before we turned on the TV to continue watching coverage. She didn’t know what she was doing, but the rest of us felt it. While we were watching that evening, just beyond the smoke a church was visible. She wasn’t at all concerned about the smoke or what had happened, but she did ask if the church would be okay."

Although this may be strange, I don't like to memorialize tragedies.  The reason is not that I don't find them to be significant.  The reason is not that I don't mourn for the people whose lives were directly affected or ended.  The reason is that once I realized the horrific meaning of September 11th, 2001 it was too sad and awful for me to understand.  It is still too sad and awful for me to understand.

I'm sure that the attack at Pearl Harbor and the Oklahoma City Bombing were just as horrible, just as devastating, and just as heart-breaking for those who were there, those whose families and friends lost loved ones, and those who heard the news.  For the first half of my life, I was fortunate enough to have only read about such events in history books, overhear conversations referencing them, and watch movies inspired by these events.  However, on September 11th, 2001 I became an experiencer of a defining moment.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Focus on Forgiveness

I was challenged through December and the beginning of January to pick a word that would define my focus for 2011, and I chose "forgive".

Throughout this year I have struggled and grown both personally and spiritually in ways that I am very proud of, but I know I still have much to do.  A lot of this growth has been centered around my emotional battle to forgive those who have hurt me and to forgive myself for my own wrongs which I think is just as important.  I was talking recently with a friend about how as I forgive others I feel more at peace and happy, but since then I have been experiencing something that is making it necessary for me to re-forgive someone who has already been forgiven for so much that it is difficult.  However, I know that I have to because holding anger in my heart against someone really only punishes me.  Besides, as much as God forgives me for, it is my responsibility to forgive others just the same.

"For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." Matthew 6:14-15

"Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven." Matthew 18:21-22

"Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful. “Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven." Luke 6:36-37

I can't upload the official music video for Chris August's "7x70" , so you'll have to deal with following the link provided or just reading the lyrics while you hear this song.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Mary Kay Party with a Purpose

Tonight I hosted a Mary Kay Party With a Purpose which was surprisingly successful for the small number of people who attended - my mom, my little sister, and one friend.  We had some laughs, enjoyed the products, and placed some orders, but most importantly we fund-raised for Susan G. Komen for the Cure.  Twenty-five percent of the consultant's profits from my party are being donated to my Race for the Cure team which definitely needs the help!
Learn more about Susan G. Komen for the Cure.
Donate to my fundraising efforts.
If you're local, you are also welcome to join my team!
Place a Mary Kay order.
Mention me within the next week and 25% of the profits will be donated.
Products I have used and recommend:
- Oil-Free Eye Makeup Remover, $15
- TimeWise® 3-in-1 Cleanser, $18
- TimeWise® Miracle Set®, $90
- Oil Mattifier, $15
- Mineral Powder Foundation, $18
- Satin Hands® Pampering Set, $34
- Cream Eye Color, $13
- Ultimate Mascara™ , $15
Thank you!

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Before the Morning

This weekend has been very difficult and trying for my family and me for reasons I'm not yet ready to share with the entire world.  However, the services I attended this morning focused on Romans 8:28 and were very fitting for my mood and circumstances.  Coincidentally, the story of Job was also mentioned, and I happen to have read it just yesterday.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." - Romans 8:28

I then came home and began listening to Christian music while playing and snuggling with the puppies.  The song 'Before the Morning' by Josh Wilson spoke to me as well.

"Do you wonder why you have to,
feel the things that hurt you,
if there's a God who loves you,
where is He now?
Maybe, there are things you can't see
and all those things are happening
to bring a better ending
some day, some how, you'll see, you'll see
Would you dare, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming
so hold on, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain you've been feeling,
it's just the dark before the morning
My friend, you know how this all ends
and you know where you're going,
you just don't know how you get there
so say a prayer.
and hold on, cause there's good who love God,
life is not a snapshot, it might take a little time,
but you'll see the bigger picture
Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming
so hold on, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain you've been feeling,
it's just the dark before the morning
yeah, yeah,
before the morning,
yeah, yeah
Once you feel the way of glory,
all your pain will fade to memory
once you feel the way of glory,
all your pain will fade to memory
memory, memory, yeah
Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming
Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still got a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming
com'n, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain you've been feeling,
it's just the hurt before the healing
the pain you've been feeling,
just the dark before the morning
before the morning, yeah, yeah
before the morning, yeah, yeah
before the morning"

"...Weeping may endure through the night,
but joy comes with the morning."
Psalm 30:5

We aren't meant to understand our circumstances in life, but we are meant to have faith and hope in God's unknown plans and in His love for us.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Celebrity Obsessed

Last night and this morning, I spent several hours writing "Beauty vs. Health" about my disgust for the media's coverage of the weight gain and weight loss of celebrities.  However, while I was working on that post, I realized that I'm a bit frustrated by society's obsession with celebrities altogether.   I learn more daily about the private lives of famous people I don't even know than about my own family members and friends.

Why is it acceptable for people to follow stalk celebrities and take pictures of them on vacation? at dinner with friends? or out shopping?
Because they're famous.
Why do people care so much about the lives of celebrities outside of the movies we enjoying watching them act in, songs we like hearing them perform, or material they've written that we enjoy reading?
Because they're famous.
Why do we compare ourselves to those who grace magazine covers and the glossy pages inside?
Because they're famous.

Well, "Because they're famous" is a stupid reason.  It's basically the equivalent of your mom saying, "Because I said so" as her 'explanation' of why you were required to do or could not do something.  There's no real meaning behind either 'reason'.  Just the same as "Because I said so" doesn't explain why a parent requires or opposes something, "Because they're famous" doesn't explain why you find a certain celebrity interesting or entertaining.

Would you care that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt bought snacks for their six children, whether Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake are back together (or that they had ever dated in the first place), or that Beyonce and Jay Z are expecting a baby if they weren't famous?
Probably not.

But most people do care about at least some celebrities - even me.  Yes, I admit that I'm ranting about something that even I do, but I can give you a reason for why I do it.  I take interest in Sandra Bullock, Will Smith, Jessica Alba, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Bradley Cooper, and Reese Witherspoon.  Why?  Because I like their movies/television series.  Notice my reason was not "Because they're famous."  I'm not interested in who they are dating, married to, or being cheated on by; but, I definitely want to know if they are being considered for a role, what characters they are going to be portraying, and when they have a new project coming out.  I appreciate them for their talent (and I have to admit for their beauty), but would prefer they be treated with the same respect for privacy that I enjoy.

Sadly, they'll never have respect from others regarding their privacy though because they're famous.  Very few boundaries exist protecting celebrities from the media.  Because of media's large financial profit made by harassing celebrities, those involved in photographing, writing about, and printing articles about celebrities will continue to ignore common courtesy and the implied (but obviously nonexistent) right to privacy of celebrities that the rest of us take for granted.

Take a moment to be grateful for your privacy.  Take a moment to enjoy that you can go to the grocery store without personal security detail.  Take a moment to appreciate that your face isn't recognized everywhere you go, that your body isn't scrutinized on television, in magazines, and online, and that your friends and family love you because of who you are rather than for the benefits of knowing you because you're famous.

If you enjoyed this post, you might also like "Ready for This Jelly?" by Will Montgomery.

Beauty vs. Health

I think most of us can probably agree that society has a pretty skewed idea of beauty in relation to healthy weight.  Take a look below at a "normal" model's body compared to that of a "plus size" model.  It is my opinion that Nicole's body does not look like the body of a "normal" woman.  She is a beautiful girl and what I saw on America's Next Top Model made her seem like a sweetheart.  However, I think more woman can relate to Whitney's body type which allows her to fill out clothing more femininely and realistically.
Whitney Thompson
Cycle 10 Winner
America's Next Top Model
"Plus Size" Model
Nicole Fox
Cycle 13 Winner
America's Next Top Model
"Normal" Model

I have long found myself frustrated by media coverage of celebrities, scrutinizing them for weight gain or weight loss.  If we treasure these people so much for their ability to sing, act, direct, or write, why should their weight be so important? 

Maybe a cause of weight gain/loss is the stress of the limelight. Maybe these celebrities privately have health conditions or prescription medications that cause the weight gain/loss. Maybe they are human and shouldn't be required to fit into someone else's idea of perfection.

Most recently, I have seen numerous articles and pictures of LeAnn Rimes in which she is being attacked for being thin, but she doesn't look unhealthy to me.  She looks thin, yes, but muscular also.  She looks like she's been working out.  But, most importantly, she looks happy.  At least, she looks like she would be happy if everyone would back off.
LeAnn Rimes - June 2007
Celebrated for her abs.
LeAnn Rimes - May 2011
Called "Scary Skinny"
Probably only a 5-10 pound difference.

I feel that I should clarify that I'm not coming to LeAnn's defense because I'm her "biggest fan."  In all honesty, I can only name two songs of hers that I like.  (LeAnn, if you ever read this, it's not your music.  I'm just not a fan of country music.)  So, the issue isn't that people are picking on my favorite, it's that people need to have something better to do in life than harass others about their weight - or about anything else for that matter.

Our culture puts so much emphasis on being thin that girls (and boys) develop eating disorders and addictions to exercising in order to please their peers and find self worth.  According to the South Carolina Department of Mental Health, half of 11- to 13-year-old girls consider themselves to be overweight and eight of ten thirteen-year-olds have tried to lose weight. In a survey reported by the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders, the majority (91%) of women on a college campus had dieted in an attempt to control or lose weight.
An anorexic model on the runway.
How someone with anorexia views
the reflection in the mirror.
"The body type portrayed in advertising as the ideal is possessed naturally by only 5% of American females." (

Friday, August 26, 2011

The Greatest Woman I Ever Knew

Do you ever get bored and Google yourself?  Maybe you Google your friends and family or frenemies and enemies just to see what interesting tidbits of information you can find.  I have to admit that I do this even though I rarely find anything interesting - an old high school track meet record with a friend's name, the Facebook groups my sister joined in college, information about a book that has my incredibly common first and last names in the title.  Nothing substantial.  And, this is just how I like it.

However, earlier today I Googled my Gramma who passed in February 2006.  I found a listing of people from my hometown who are deceased but not listed as buried in any local cemeteries.  (To clarify, my Gramma was cremated.)  This is one of the first Google findings to bother me.  I was hurt because her name was printed incorrectly.  Maybe this shouldn't bother me as much as it does, and anyone who knew her knows she wouldn't have gone to the trouble of attempting to get this fixed because it really doesn't matter.  But, anyone who knew her also knows that she deserves more attention and respect than errors forever printed in her obituary.
This stack of Gramma's Bibles and books with her
fingerprint-smudged glasses in their case on top decorate my bookshelf.
My Gramma was easily the best person I have ever known and will ever know.  Her strength and compassion were incomparable, she worked hard to earn what she had in life, and she maintained a warm and positive attitude even through struggles.  While I was growing up, my Gramma worked three jobs, one of which was for the Department of Children's Services.  She was active in her church, took walks with her sister nearly every night, loved on her grandbabies as often as possible, maintained gardens of tomatoes, sunflowers, and various plants, and prepared meals for sick neighbors.  She was not a woman who could sit still or ignore something that needed to be done or someone who needed help.
One of my favorite pictures of my Gramma,
loving on my younger siblings.
Sadly, her ability to help others and remain active was taken from her as she fiercely battled an aggressive lung cancer.  She became weak and sick, but her faith remained strong.  She taught me more about life during the five years she was dying than during the thirteen years I spent with her while she was healthy.  I learned from her that who I have in my life is more important than what I have in my life.  What I do in life is more important that what I can get out of life.  It is better to be happy and loved than to have power or wealth.  It is necessary to work hard for what I want so that I can truly appreciate what I earn.   Most importantly, she taught me that although I may never understand the purpose behind certain hardships or fully comprehend what is planned for me, I must have faith that everything does have a purpose and God does have a plan for me (Jeremiah 29:11).

Journey To Stoney's and Sweet CeCe's

Yesterday, I had a wonderful visit from my bestie who drove more than two hours each way just to have dinner with me and watch a movie.  It's almost like she loves me!  We had delicious burgers made to our specifications and served on Texas Toast and went shopping at The Vineyard Christian Bookstore where we made several wonderful purchases.

The CD Chelsea bought...
came with a free autographed cup.
I'm told by several people that this is
one of the best books I'll ever read and
that it will forever raise my standards.

Then, I introduced her to the wonderful world of Sweet CeCe's for frozen yogurt.  I know that 'frozen yogurt' doesn't sound appealing, but if you experienced it, your opinion would change quickly.  Chelsea snapped the picture below as we left with our treasured desserts.  Yes, those would be chunks of brownie, cookie dough, and cheesecake sticking out the tops of our bowls!  So delicious!
Sweet CeCe's Frozen Yogurt & Treats
With our desserts happily in hand, we returned to my apartment to enjoy Chelsea's other Vineyard purchase, 'Soul Surfer'.  I had wanted to see this movie when it was in theater's but was not able to, so this was a great opportunity for me!
Great movie!!  The story of Bethany Hamilton overcoming
a traumatic shark attack and persevering.
"I can do all things through Him who gives me strength." - Philippians 4:13

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

One Month Until Race for the Cure

In one month, I will be walking in the Evansville Race for the Cure!  I am excited and nervous because I still have a lot of fundraising to do and need more people for my team.  At this point, I am the only person on my team, so it doesn't really count as a team.  If you are interested in donating to this great cause, or live in the Evansville area and would like to register to be on my team, please following the link to do so!

Sunday, August 21, 2011


I first learned about PostSecret from my older sister who now owns at least three of the books.  Just in case you've not heard about it, I'll explain.  People from all over the world send postcards, letters, pictures, and various other things to a man who compiles them into books and posts them online through Facebook, Twitter, and a blog.  Some of the entries sent in are simple, but others are heartbreaking, thought-provoking, and deep.
This is my favorite.
"i fear that i'm going to be alone for the rest of my life...."
"and i don't want to have to settle in order not to be."

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Ellie and Molly: Baby Dogs

My dachshunds, Ellie and Molly, are almost 17 weeks old and have just started to lose their baby teeth which is wonderful for me since they often "accidentally" bite me while they play.  I have finally uploaded pictures from the first few weeks I had them - back when they only weighed 3-6 pounds each as opposed to now weighing in at 10.6-12.4 pounds each.



Ellie and Molly cuddling with a couple stuffed animals.

Ellie and Molly lazily wrestling in bed with all the toys.

Molly and Ellie playing tug-o-war over a peanut butter flavored chew bone.

The girls fell asleep listening to Samuel Rice of RunR play live at the Duck Inn.
 My cute baby dogs...I love them!

Friday, August 19, 2011

Thirteen Seasons

Two days ago, I tooted my own horn in my post 'I Am Too Nice'.  Tonight, I toot a different horn, that of RunR also known as "Samuel Rice and a plethora of friends."  'Thirteen Seasons' is a new album that hasn't officially been released, but the CD is for sale.  I know, sounds backward, but it is what it is.
Below you will find a list of songs, most of which include links to YouTube videos or SoundCloud so you can listen for free.  However, if you would like to have a shiny CD of your very own, let me know and I can arrange it.
Samuel Rice of RunR - Thirteen Seasons
1. Every Girl
2. Agony Hill
3. Boy Shorts
4. Don't Go
5. Dara
6. Consolation Prize (My Favorite)
7. Ripped
8. Holly Likes This One
9. YOGOOIWYPII (You Only Get Out Of It What You Put Into It)
10. Perfectionist

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Big Brothers Big Sisters

I know that between three jobs and two puppies I should feel more than content with my current commitments; however, over the past month I have felt like something is missing.  When friends started talking excitedly about returning to college soon, I realized that I was kind of jealous.  Most definitely not because I wish I was still taking classes - I cannot explain how ecstatic I am to have graduated - but, because I can no longer be involved in student organizations.  I made them such a big part of who I was in college, and now that's over.
So, I started thinking about what I could do to fill that void without giving up every last moment of free time that I occasionally have.  Community engagement is what I feel I am missing, so it is what I sought.  I remembered that I met some ladies from Big Brothers Big Sisters at a Chamber Networking News meeting during my internship with the American Red Cross.  Shortly after sending a couple emails, filling out the appropriate paperwork, and waiting for reference checks, I was accepted and asked to an interview.  I was (unnecessarily) somewhat nervous about the interview.  What if I say the wrong thing?  What if I don't know how to answer a question?  Turned out I was silly to feel that way.
I have just gotten home from the best interview ever - at least for me.  I met with two ladies from Big Brothers Big Sisters at Barnes & Noble and chat-chitted about everything that popped into our heads while also discussing the responsibilities of a Big, the potential obstacles that might be experienced with a Little, and appropriate boundaries to set with the Little and the Little's family so as not to feel burdened.  It was wonderful to sit in an interview where everyone was sharing.  In fact, we were there for three hours.  I left feeling like I had known these women for years, and even have plans to meet one of them at the church I was already planning to check out near my apartment.  So, be on the look-out for my post about my Little match, because I'm really excited!

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

I Am Too Nice

Not to toot my own horn, but...I am too nice!  I am nice to the point that I irritate myself.  Sure, I can be rude and snarky, sarcastic and stubborn, and even self-righteous and judgmental.  But, most of the time - at least to people's faces - I am just too nice.
I know that I need help sometimes and that's part of why I feel I need to give it when I can.  There are plenty of people I am perfectly happy to help in any way I can.  But there are others who seem like they would be better off if they were forced to get by on their own so they can learn from it, yet I'm still their crutch.  As the crutch, I am preventing them from learning to be self-sufficient, mature, and responsible...or at least this is what I tell myself when trying (and failing) to convince myself to put my foot down.
Anyway, the point is it bugs me that I can't tell people "no" and let people take advantage of my kindness.  All the while I'm "helping" them, I'm silently asking myself questions. "Why won't they leave me alone?" "Why can't they bother someone else?" "Why can't I tell them to just go away?"
I think the reason is that I'm afraid they'll think I'm a bad person.  I'm afraid that they will blame me for their continued misfortune and that I'll blame myself as well.  I'm afraid to make them mad or upset them.  I'm afraid of what they'll think and afraid to make myself feel like a bad person.  I know that it is normal and healthy to be able to set boundaries, but I simply can't do it.

Monday, August 8, 2011

You Take Me The Way I Am

Thank you Ingrid Michaelson for 'The Way I Am'!

If you were falling, then I would catch you.
You need a light, I'd find a match.

'Cause I love the way you say good morning.
And you take me the way I am.

If you are chilly, here take my sweater.
Your head is aching, I'll make it better.

'Cause I love the way you call me baby.
And you take me the way I am.

I'd buy you Rogaine when you start losing all your hair.
Sew on patches to all you tear.

'Cause I love you more than I could ever promise.
And you take me the way I am.
You take me the way I am.
You take me the way I am.

Love: Knowing a person - the good, the bad, the adorable, the annoying, and the quirky - and appreciating him or her for exactly who he or she is.

He Almost Did the Right Thing...Then Messed It Up

Last night, I was working my restaurant shift and a mid-twenty-something man walked in.  Thinking he was someone else, I casually said, "Hey" then quickly thought, "Crap! I don't know this guy at all."  Attempting to save face - mine and the restaurant's - I walked over to where he sat at the bar and apologized for my overly casual greeting.  However, after getting a closer look at him, I realize I did know him...I thought.  But, I definitely wasn't going to mention it unless I knew for sure.  Since he was waiting for a to-go order, I asked the bartender for the name on the order, and it was exactly what I had expected it to be.  So, I went back over to him and withdrew my apology, informing him that as it turned out I knew exactly who he was, but hadn't seen him since he graduated high school in 2002, three years ahead of me.  We chit-chatted (or chat-chitted for you Dane Cook fans) for a few minutes while his order was completed about what we've been up to for the last nine years.  We discussed our jobs, his pregnant wife, the musical we were both involved with in high school, and randomness.  As he was leaving, he started to say something but stopped.  When I asked what he'd said, he dismissed it and walked out of the restaurant.  I returned to what I had been doing before he came in and not even thirty seconds later he stood in front of me again.  "If I weren't married, I'd definitely ask you out.  You're a beautiful woman."

To quote Reese Witherspoon as June Carter in 'Walk the Line', "There's too many 'if's in that sentence."  If he weren't married, he wouldn't have even been in the restaurant last night picking up dinner for his wife with whom he's expecting his first daughter next month.  If he weren't married, he might be dating someone else anyway.  If he weren't married, the scenarios are endless.  But none of those scenarios matter because he is married.

While I appreciated the ego boost of his compliment, it was completely inappropriate.  And, to make it worse, he obviously knew this or he wouldn't have stopped himself from saying it when he left the restaurant the first time.  He knew it was wrong, but made the effort of coming back inside to say it anyway.  He almost did the right thing...then messed it up!

So, I guess the point of my rambling is this: If you're with someone, be completely devoted.  You will still notice and appreciate other people, but you shouldn't verbalize it or act on it in any way.  If you aren't happy with your relationship, get out.  It is more fair to end a relationship than only be in it by technicality.  A relationship should be more about love than obligation.  If your heart isn't in it, neither are you.  Be faithful or be done.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Journey to Higher Standards

Today, a very good friend of mine posted in Journey To Sand Castles about a few different topics and I had a lengthy comment to share.  However, for some reason, even after several attempts I wasn't able to post the comment.  I have decided to share my comment as a blog post instead but it will make more sense if you take a moment to read her post first.

"Your rant sounds so familiar, it's almost like I could hear your voice actually telling it to me. Oh wait! That's probably because we've had these exact conversations before...minus the Moose Munch Coffee which you've never mentioned.
I haven't seen the movie, but thought it looked good. I agree with you that there is WAY too much sex in movies these days, especially since I have a baby about to turn 13 and wouldn't want her watching half of the PG13 movies I've seen even though I know that due to not living in a bubble she probably already knows about all of it anyway.
Without having to see the people you're refering to, I completely agree! PUT CLOTHES ON PEOPLE! I'm a size 2 and wear a one piece bathing don't have to be naked to look good. Ladies, wear something that fits and you'll look so much better! Boys, chances are you probably don't have anything we ladies want to see. So save yourself some embarassment and cover your scrawny, pasty selves.

I would like to clarify for those of you who don't know me that my "baby about to turn 13" is actually my younger sister.  I don't have children, but have siblings who are much younger than me.

I would also like to clarify that wearing bathing suits and two pieces in not only acceptable, but expected during warm weather.  However, respect yourself enough to cover what ought to remain covered.  When you're on the beach with friends or family (or in a family friendly location), you shouldn't look like you're shooting a PlayBoy centerfold or a spread for the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition.  Hustler is definitely out of the question.  You can be sexy and attractive without being a slutty hoe.

Guys, I know its hot outside, but wear a t-shirt or tank top, please unless you are in one of the locations Chelsea* mentioned as acceptable.  I have a neighbor who never wears a shirt.  The only time I see him going into or out of his apartment with a shirt on is when he is leaving for work or has just gotten home from work.  But, after work, he goes into his apartment and within five minutes comes back outside without the shirt.  This is why I refer to him to my family as "my shirtless neighbor" instead of using his name.  I'm sure he's simply attempting to display his masculinity, but I'd rather he didn't.  I'm sure his wife also would prefer he clothe himself in public.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Don't Be a Slut - "What It Means to be a Grown-Up"

Don't Be a Slut is a very real and interesting blog.  I appreciate the writer's honesty, especially in her post titled "What It Means to be a Grown-Up".  The best line is "A grown-up is someone who takes 100-percent responsibility for the quality of his or her life."
It is so much easier to blame other's for our unhappiness or for the situations we find ourselves in, but in all honesty, we've made the choices that brought us to this point.  No one else chose for me.  No one else chose for you.

Truly Madly Deeply

In an attempt to be inspired to write, I have read numerous articles and blogs over the past few days.  While I have had many thoughts and come up with mini ideas, I haven't managed to write anything substantial.  It's all a work in progree I suppose.
However, I couldn't help but think about what is it that I long for, and I have determined that I want to have the kind of love Savage Garden sang about.