Life - It Happens

Just over three years ago, I posted a semi-apologetic update of my previous year because I had neglected to write anything during that time.  However, it has now been three years since I last posted and I don't even feel guilty.  I don't feel guilty because I've been quite busy!

April 2013 - Brandon and I became foster parents to a relative's baby.  This was unexpected and we didn't have but a couple days to prepare.  He stayed with us for about six weeks before returning home.  Also, my nephew who was mentioned as likely to be a preemie was born completely healthy and only a couple days before his due date.

May 2013 - We got married!!  While on our honeymoon we only ate at new restaurants, watched new-to-us movies (it rained a lot), and enjoyed activities that at least one of us had never experienced, such as horseback riding (a first for him) and getting tattoos (a first for me).

May 2014 - We celebrated our one-year anniversary on a Friday and welcomed our son on Sunday!  It was an exhausting and exciting weekend for us!

May 2015 - A few days before our son's first birthday, I left my full-time job to make raising him a priority.  There have been hard days, of course, but he is so worth it.  I am very happy to be able to spend my days with this sweet, little miracle who adores me.

As you can imagine, becoming a mother has kept me quite busy, but today I finally got an opportunity while both husband and son were napping to sit down and start writing again.  I've been working on a book which I may or may not ever finish for many years now and also have decided to start writing about a new experience that I'm going through - gestational surrogacy.  Currently, I am 34 weeks pregnant with a healthy, strong boy who will travel home with his biological family once released from the hospital.  It's been an interesting journey thus far, but rewarding in that I know that I'm making the impossible possible for his mother.

Time Flies

  Wow!  It has been an amazingly long time since I last posted, and I would feel guilty if anyone besides Chelsea* actually read this blog on a semi-regular basis.  Because it has been over a year, I'll give you a timeline update.  Quick refresher: In November 2011, I met Brandon and he's part of the reason I stopped having as much time to write.

• February 2012 - I started working in a salaried Internet Sales Consultant position for a local car dealership.
• April 2012 - Painting became a new hobby that I have spent far too much money on.  It's a wonderful pastime for evenings of watching 'Buffy: The Vampire Slayer' while Brandon plays hockey.  I'll post some pictures soon (hopefully) of some of my creations.  So far, I'm playing it safe and sticking to landscapes and flowers.
• May 2012 - Brandon and I adopted a kitten, Salene, who has adapted well to living with the crazy dachshund babies, Ellie and Molly.

Salene, Molly, and Ellie having a snuggle while I painted.

• May 2012 - Brandon and I bought our first home together.  A big step toward being responsible adults!
• July 2012 - Brandon and I bought a new-to-us car and I bought my car (which was already mine) from my dad who had originally purchased it many years ago when I was 17.  So, now I'm 25 with a house, two cars, and various types of insurance, retirement plans, etc.  I suppose, I'm officially a grown-up.
• September 2012 - Brandon took me to Nashville.  I'd never been before, but will definitely be looking forward to going back!  We were planning to go to the Nashville Predators hockey game, but because the NHL was in lockout we ended up shopping, site seeing, and walking a lot.  Being the huge goober that I am, I wore my newish boots that I'd had only a couple weeks...this was a big mistake.  We walked more than two miles from Honky Tonk Central
  to The Parthenon.  My feet were rather angry with me.

• September 2012 - Brandon proposed!!  I was on the phone with my dad the evening after we returned from Nashville when I found my engagement ring hidden under my laptop.  Brandon knew I would come home and immediately get online, but he wasn't expecting me to be talking to my dad while this happened.  It was hilariously imperfect and wonderfully perfect at the same time.  I guess I should have known he was up to something when he so eagerly offered me a foot massage (which I did actually get after the proposal).
• November 2012 - My birthday came back around as it has a tendency to do.  I'm 25 now, so I feel like I'm not a kid anymore - even though I do still look 16-years-old.
• December 2012 - Brandon and I managed to both have four days off together for Christmas thanks to some schedule rearranging and a blizzard that trapped us in our house.  It made for a wonderful opportunity to watch all of the 'Harry Potter' movies and play NHL Monopoly which was Brandon's Christmas present from my dad.

  I have quite a lot to look forward to in the coming months, but I'll try to remember to post more than once per year.  I've been rather busy planning the wedding - even before the proposal we'd already decided on the date, venue, officiant, and DJ.  Here's a sneak peak into the next few months.

• In March, Brandon and I are headed to Chicago for a weekend hockey tournament.  I'll get to see the green river for St. Patrick's day!  I'm hoping it'll just be cold instead of insanely freezing while we're there.
• My sister is pregnant with her first son (also the first family grandbaby), and he'll be making his appearance sometime between now and April.  He's expected to be a preemie as she's only 6 months along and has gone into labor three times.  Please pray, send good vibes, or cross your fingers (whichever is your style) that my sister and her baby are happy and healthy.
• Brandon and I are having a May wedding and still have a considerable amount of planning to do.  Decorations still need to be finalized as well as who is going to decorate for us.  I have no idea who is going to do my hair or how I'm having it done.  Neither of my sisters (bridesmaids) nor the mothers (mine and his) have dresses picked out, let alone ordered or altered.  My dress needs the train cut off and the hem redone.  Food and drinks need to be figured out as well.  We've not had engagement photos taken or ordered invitations.  Half the guest list (his half) doesn't even have addresses.  I haven't found the shoes I intend to wear.  The list continues, but I keep reminding myself that I got through college as a procrastinator who works well under high pressure.  (Deep breaths!)
• Oh, then there's the honeymoon.  We haven't made any plans, but I won two "free" honeymoons through two different bridal shows, so that shouldn't be too difficult to take care of, in theory.  Mountains and/or the ocean will be involved!

December Update

Obviously, I was much better about maintaining my blog when I first started it.  I have written fewer and fewer posts each month which proves that I (like most people) lose focus over time.  However, I am taking time tonight to inform you all that my life has changed somewhat over the past month.

At the beginning of the month I was fired from my full-time position for being too friendly.  Instead of using my training period to train me to re-route clients' conversations back to the matter at hand, my employer decided to "separate our employment relationship" which means my parents are currently helping me pay my rent and utility bills.  This is definitely not what I had hoped for nor is it a situation that can continue.  I am fortunate to have parents who are willing to assist me financially, but I'm sure they would prefer that it wasn't necessary.  I am also very lucky that my part-time employer Biaggi's Ristorante Italiano was able to offer me more shifts so that I can earn more money.  I have done a lot of online job searching, but it's slim-pickin's in December.  So, if anyone knows of full-time positions in the Southwest Indiana region (preferrably those that are intriniscally rewarding), please email me at StupidGirlSmartWoman@gmail.com.

In other news:
- I have fallen in love with a wonderful man who I am thrilled to have in my life.  He is a wonderful blessing and appreciates me the way I am, including all my goofiness. (I apologize for the girly moment, but it's a big update.)
- My puppies, Molly and Ellie, as cute and cuddly as they are, still refuse to be house trained.  I have had the carpets professionally cleaned twice because they pee on the floor multiple times each week.
- Christmas is this weekend.  You know this, but it's still important enough for me to mention it.  At this point in time, I plan to post about it separately sometime next week.

Molly and Ellie cuddling while I wrote this blog post.

Emotional Overload

I have waited many weeks to write this because 1) I promised I wouldn't immediately post it online for the whole world to read and 2) I wasn't ready to share.  However, I feel the need to let go of some of what I am feeling.

Several weekends ago, my mom made plans with me under the false pretense that she missed me and wanted to spend time together.  Shortly after arriving at my apartment (one preview into the DVD we had chosen) she told me that she had filed for divorce from my dad that morning and had already made plans to remarry.  I feel so many emotions that I can't figure out how to react or ultimately feel.  I am sad, relieved, hurt, confused, angry, and so many other emotions that I can't figure them all out.

"Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery." -  Mark 10:11-12

"If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him." - 1 Corinthians 7:12-13

Reading scripture only makes me feel more confused about how to feel because it gives me more reason to be upset with my mom instead of comforting me.  Loving friends and family members get me through each day (even when they don't know it).  To summarize: Divorce sucks and life is hard.

Focus on Forgiveness

I was challenged through December and the beginning of January to pick a word that would define my focus for 2011, and I chose "forgive".

Throughout this year I have struggled and grown both personally and spiritually in ways that I am very proud of, but I know I still have much to do.  A lot of this growth has been centered around my emotional battle to forgive those who have hurt me and to forgive myself for my own wrongs which I think is just as important.  I was talking recently with a friend about how as I forgive others I feel more at peace and happy, but since then I have been experiencing something that is making it necessary for me to re-forgive someone who has already been forgiven for so much that it is difficult.  However, I know that I have to because holding anger in my heart against someone really only punishes me.  Besides, as much as God forgives me for, it is my responsibility to forgive others just the same.

"For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." Matthew 6:14-15

"Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven." Matthew 18:21-22

"Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful. “Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven." Luke 6:36-37

I can't upload the official music video for Chris August's "7x70" , so you'll have to deal with following the link provided or just reading the lyrics while you hear this song.

PostSecret

I first learned about PostSecret from my older sister who now owns at least three of the books.  Just in case you've not heard about it, I'll explain.  People from all over the world send postcards, letters, pictures, and various other things to a man who compiles them into books and posts them online through Facebook, Twitter, and a blog.  Some of the entries sent in are simple, but others are heartbreaking, thought-provoking, and deep.

This is my favorite.

"i fear that i'm going to be alone for the rest of my life...."

"and i don't want to have to settle in order not to be."

Thirteen Seasons

Two days ago, I tooted my own horn in my post 'I Am Too Nice'.  Tonight, I toot a different horn, that of RunR also known as "Samuel Rice and a plethora of friends."  'Thirteen Seasons' is a new album that hasn't officially been released, but the CD is for sale.  I know, sounds backward, but it is what it is.
Below you will find a list of songs, most of which include links to YouTube videos or SoundCloud so you can listen for free.  However, if you would like to have a shiny CD of your very own, let me know and I can arrange it.

Samuel Rice of RunR - Thirteen Seasons

1. Every Girl
2. Agony Hill
3. Boy Shorts
4. Don't Go
5. Dara
6. Consolation Prize (My Favorite)
7. Ripped
8. Holly Likes This One
9. YOGOOIWYPII (You Only Get Out Of It What You Put Into It)
10. Perfectionist

He Almost Did the Right Thing...Then Messed It Up

Last night, I was working my restaurant shift and a mid-twenty-something man walked in.  Thinking he was someone else, I casually said, "Hey" then quickly thought, "Crap! I don't know this guy at all."  Attempting to save face - mine and the restaurant's - I walked over to where he sat at the bar and apologized for my overly casual greeting.  However, after getting a closer look at him, I realize I did know him...I thought.  But, I definitely wasn't going to mention it unless I knew for sure.  Since he was waiting for a to-go order, I asked the bartender for the name on the order, and it was exactly what I had expected it to be.  So, I went back over to him and withdrew my apology, informing him that as it turned out I knew exactly who he was, but hadn't seen him since he graduated high school in 2002, three years ahead of me.  We chit-chatted (or chat-chitted for you Dane Cook fans) for a few minutes while his order was completed about what we've been up to for the last nine years.  We discussed our jobs, his pregnant wife, the musical we were both involved with in high school, and randomness.  As he was leaving, he started to say something but stopped.  When I asked what he'd said, he dismissed it and walked out of the restaurant.  I returned to what I had been doing before he came in and not even thirty seconds later he stood in front of me again.  "If I weren't married, I'd definitely ask you out.  You're a beautiful woman."

To quote Reese Witherspoon as June Carter in 'Walk the Line', "There's too many 'if's in that sentence."  If he weren't married, he wouldn't have even been in the restaurant last night picking up dinner for his wife with whom he's expecting his first daughter next month.  If he weren't married, he might be dating someone else anyway.  If he weren't married, the scenarios are endless.  But none of those scenarios matter because he is married.

While I appreciated the ego boost of his compliment, it was completely inappropriate.  And, to make it worse, he obviously knew this or he wouldn't have stopped himself from saying it when he left the restaurant the first time.  He knew it was wrong, but made the effort of coming back inside to say it anyway.  He almost did the right thing...then messed it up!

So, I guess the point of my rambling is this: If you're with someone, be completely devoted.  You will still notice and appreciate other people, but you shouldn't verbalize it or act on it in any way.  If you aren't happy with your relationship, get out.  It is more fair to end a relationship than only be in it by technicality.  A relationship should be more about love than obligation.  If your heart isn't in it, neither are you.  Be faithful or be done.