The View Came. The Understanding Did Not.

As you may have noticed in the past, I occasionally write comments on others' blog posts that are worthy of becoming their own blog posts.  So, as I have done before, I have posted my comment below; however, it will make more sense if you read Will Montgomery's blog post 'Never Forget' before reading my response.

“The view came; the understanding did not.” Very poetic. Also very true.
Where I was: I was taking the I-STEP+ test in my high school. Because of the testing, no one told us what was happening, and I knew nothing…until after lunch when I got to my 5th period class and didn’t leave it for the rest of the day. We sat nearly silently as we watched over and over again the same footage from different angles and with different “important” people commenting. But, like you, I didn’t understand.
Who I was: I was an awkward 13-year-old little girl, new to high school and completely out of place. I’d never heard of these buildings and didn’t realize the magnitude of what I was seeing. It didn’t quite sink in that “we” had been attacked. I lived in the middle of nowhere far from New York, and to me “they” had been attacked, “they” had died, and “they” had suffered. It wasn’t until I saw my parents’ and grandparents’ reactions that I realized it affected “us” too.
Interesting story from that day: My little sister was three weeks short of her third birthday, and when I came home from school she was sitting on the floor just inside the door stacking wooden blocks. She built two tall, thin towers that were connected at the base and then, holding a rectangular block in her hand, knocked them down. This was before we turned on the TV to continue watching coverage. She didn’t know what she was doing, but the rest of us felt it. While we were watching that evening, just beyond the smoke a church was visible. She wasn’t at all concerned about the smoke or what had happened, but she did ask if the church would be okay."

Although this may be strange, I don't like to memorialize tragedies.  The reason is not that I don't find them to be significant.  The reason is not that I don't mourn for the people whose lives were directly affected or ended.  The reason is that once I realized the horrific meaning of September 11th, 2001 it was too sad and awful for me to understand.  It is still too sad and awful for me to understand.

I'm sure that the attack at Pearl Harbor and the Oklahoma City Bombing were just as horrible, just as devastating, and just as heart-breaking for those who were there, those whose families and friends lost loved ones, and those who heard the news.  For the first half of my life, I was fortunate enough to have only read about such events in history books, overhear conversations referencing them, and watch movies inspired by these events.  However, on September 11th, 2001 I became an experiencer of a defining moment.

Focus on Forgiveness

I was challenged through December and the beginning of January to pick a word that would define my focus for 2011, and I chose "forgive".

Throughout this year I have struggled and grown both personally and spiritually in ways that I am very proud of, but I know I still have much to do.  A lot of this growth has been centered around my emotional battle to forgive those who have hurt me and to forgive myself for my own wrongs which I think is just as important.  I was talking recently with a friend about how as I forgive others I feel more at peace and happy, but since then I have been experiencing something that is making it necessary for me to re-forgive someone who has already been forgiven for so much that it is difficult.  However, I know that I have to because holding anger in my heart against someone really only punishes me.  Besides, as much as God forgives me for, it is my responsibility to forgive others just the same.

"For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." Matthew 6:14-15

"Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven." Matthew 18:21-22

"Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful. “Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven." Luke 6:36-37

I can't upload the official music video for Chris August's "7x70" , so you'll have to deal with following the link provided or just reading the lyrics while you hear this song.

Celebrity Obsessed

Last night and this morning, I spent several hours writing "Beauty vs. Health" about my disgust for the media's coverage of the weight gain and weight loss of celebrities.  However, while I was working on that post, I realized that I'm a bit frustrated by society's obsession with celebrities altogether.   I learn more daily about the private lives of famous people I don't even know than about my own family members and friends.

Why is it acceptable for people to follow stalk celebrities and take pictures of them on vacation? at dinner with friends? or out shopping?
Because they're famous.
Why do people care so much about the lives of celebrities outside of the movies we enjoying watching them act in, songs we like hearing them perform, or material they've written that we enjoy reading?
Because they're famous.
Why do we compare ourselves to those who grace magazine covers and the glossy pages inside?
Because they're famous.

Well, "Because they're famous" is a stupid reason.  It's basically the equivalent of your mom saying, "Because I said so" as her 'explanation' of why you were required to do or could not do something.  There's no real meaning behind either 'reason'.  Just the same as "Because I said so" doesn't explain why a parent requires or opposes something, "Because they're famous" doesn't explain why you find a certain celebrity interesting or entertaining.

Would you care that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt bought snacks for their six children, whether Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake are back together (or that they had ever dated in the first place), or that Beyonce and Jay Z are expecting a baby if they weren't famous?
Probably not.

But most people do care about at least some celebrities - even me.  Yes, I admit that I'm ranting about something that even I do, but I can give you a reason for why I do it.  I take interest in Sandra Bullock, Will Smith, Jessica Alba, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Bradley Cooper, and Reese Witherspoon.  Why?  Because I like their movies/television series.  Notice my reason was not "Because they're famous."  I'm not interested in who they are dating, married to, or being cheated on by; but, I definitely want to know if they are being considered for a role, what characters they are going to be portraying, and when they have a new project coming out.  I appreciate them for their talent (and I have to admit for their beauty), but would prefer they be treated with the same respect for privacy that I enjoy.

Sadly, they'll never have respect from others regarding their privacy though because they're famous.  Very few boundaries exist protecting celebrities from the media.  Because of media's large financial profit made by harassing celebrities, those involved in photographing, writing about, and printing articles about celebrities will continue to ignore common courtesy and the implied (but obviously nonexistent) right to privacy of celebrities that the rest of us take for granted.

Take a moment to be grateful for your privacy.  Take a moment to enjoy that you can go to the grocery store without personal security detail.  Take a moment to appreciate that your face isn't recognized everywhere you go, that your body isn't scrutinized on television, in magazines, and online, and that your friends and family love you because of who you are rather than for the benefits of knowing you because you're famous.

If you enjoyed this post, you might also like "Ready for This Jelly?" by Will Montgomery.

Beauty vs. Health

I think most of us can probably agree that society has a pretty skewed idea of beauty in relation to healthy weight.  Take a look below at a "normal" model's body compared to that of a "plus size" model.  It is my opinion that Nicole's body does not look like the body of a "normal" woman.  She is a beautiful girl and what I saw on America's Next Top Model made her seem like a sweetheart.  However, I think more woman can relate to Whitney's body type which allows her to fill out clothing more femininely and realistically.

Whitney Thompson
Cycle 10 Winner
America's Next Top Model
"Plus Size" Model

Nicole Fox
Cycle 13 Winner
America's Next Top Model
"Normal" Model

I have long found myself frustrated by media coverage of celebrities, scrutinizing them for weight gain or weight loss.  If we treasure these people so much for their ability to sing, act, direct, or write, why should their weight be so important? 

Maybe a cause of weight gain/loss is the stress of the limelight. Maybe these celebrities privately have health conditions or prescription medications that cause the weight gain/loss. Maybe they are human and shouldn't be required to fit into someone else's idea of perfection.

Most recently, I have seen numerous articles and pictures of LeAnn Rimes in which she is being attacked for being thin, but she doesn't look unhealthy to me.  She looks thin, yes, but muscular also.  She looks like she's been working out.  But, most importantly, she looks happy.  At least, she looks like she would be happy if everyone would back off.

LeAnn Rimes - June 2007
Celebrated for her abs.

LeAnn Rimes - May 2011
Called "Scary Skinny"
Probably only a 5-10 pound difference.

I feel that I should clarify that I'm not coming to LeAnn's defense because I'm her "biggest fan."  In all honesty, I can only name two songs of hers that I like.  (LeAnn, if you ever read this, it's not your music.  I'm just not a fan of country music.)  So, the issue isn't that people are picking on my favorite, it's that people need to have something better to do in life than harass others about their weight - or about anything else for that matter.

Our culture puts so much emphasis on being thin that girls (and boys) develop eating disorders and addictions to exercising in order to please their peers and find self worth.  According to the South Carolina Department of Mental Health, half of 11- to 13-year-old girls consider themselves to be overweight and eight of ten thirteen-year-olds have tried to lose weight. In a survey reported by the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders, the majority (91%) of women on a college campus had dieted in an attempt to control or lose weight.

An anorexic model on the runway.

How someone with anorexia views
the reflection in the mirror.

"The body type portrayed in advertising as the ideal is possessed naturally by only 5% of American females." (www.anad.org)

He Almost Did the Right Thing...Then Messed It Up

Last night, I was working my restaurant shift and a mid-twenty-something man walked in.  Thinking he was someone else, I casually said, "Hey" then quickly thought, "Crap! I don't know this guy at all."  Attempting to save face - mine and the restaurant's - I walked over to where he sat at the bar and apologized for my overly casual greeting.  However, after getting a closer look at him, I realize I did know him...I thought.  But, I definitely wasn't going to mention it unless I knew for sure.  Since he was waiting for a to-go order, I asked the bartender for the name on the order, and it was exactly what I had expected it to be.  So, I went back over to him and withdrew my apology, informing him that as it turned out I knew exactly who he was, but hadn't seen him since he graduated high school in 2002, three years ahead of me.  We chit-chatted (or chat-chitted for you Dane Cook fans) for a few minutes while his order was completed about what we've been up to for the last nine years.  We discussed our jobs, his pregnant wife, the musical we were both involved with in high school, and randomness.  As he was leaving, he started to say something but stopped.  When I asked what he'd said, he dismissed it and walked out of the restaurant.  I returned to what I had been doing before he came in and not even thirty seconds later he stood in front of me again.  "If I weren't married, I'd definitely ask you out.  You're a beautiful woman."

To quote Reese Witherspoon as June Carter in 'Walk the Line', "There's too many 'if's in that sentence."  If he weren't married, he wouldn't have even been in the restaurant last night picking up dinner for his wife with whom he's expecting his first daughter next month.  If he weren't married, he might be dating someone else anyway.  If he weren't married, the scenarios are endless.  But none of those scenarios matter because he is married.

While I appreciated the ego boost of his compliment, it was completely inappropriate.  And, to make it worse, he obviously knew this or he wouldn't have stopped himself from saying it when he left the restaurant the first time.  He knew it was wrong, but made the effort of coming back inside to say it anyway.  He almost did the right thing...then messed it up!

So, I guess the point of my rambling is this: If you're with someone, be completely devoted.  You will still notice and appreciate other people, but you shouldn't verbalize it or act on it in any way.  If you aren't happy with your relationship, get out.  It is more fair to end a relationship than only be in it by technicality.  A relationship should be more about love than obligation.  If your heart isn't in it, neither are you.  Be faithful or be done.